Those of you who are concerned about what's hap pening in our schools today -- creeping secular humanism; violence and drugs; plummeting science scores and the use of film strips like `` I am Joe's Colon'' in biology class -- can take heart in at least one small victory.

In schools across the coun try, courageous administrators have taken a firm stand against that much-feared childhood menace: the birthday party.

In a story headlined, `` Healthy birthday to kids: Schools join obesity fight,'' the Washtington Post reported:

Redheaded birthday boy Jake Balcom, newly 11, walked into the principal's office at Centen nial Lane Elementary School in Ellicott City, Md., ready for his big surprise. His name had been announced over the loudspeaker moments earlier. Today was going to be special.

Back in the day -- like, before fifth grade -- Jake's parents would bring cupcakes to school in his honor. But this year, for the first time, his Howard County school has forbidden parents from bringing `` edible treats'' for students' birthdays. That means no more cupcakes, brownies, chocolate chip cookies, cake, ice cream, Rice Krispie Treats or pizza. Instead, Jake got a hand shake from Principal Robert Bruce. And a colorful pencil and card. `` We hope that you have a ter rific birthday,'' the card read.

Oh, special indeed.

Howard County is part of the `` good food'' movement sweeping the county like a particularly virulent rash, according to the Center for Science in the Public Interest (Official motto: `` Hey, don't do that, you could put an eye out.'' ) and `` schools are real ly looking at their policies in new ways and bringing them in line with concerns about childhood obesity and children's poor diets.''

Why kids are fatter

Not that we are unsympathet ic to these concerns. We (and by `` we'' I, of course, mean my wife) have spent countless late night hours when we could have been re-reading Proust baking approx imately 15 metric tons of cup cakes and brownies for our daughters' birthday observances at school.

And I admit that childhood obesity is a real problem as you can observe on any playground where the swings now have to be built of the same industrial grade steel that supports the Golden Gate Bridge.

But has anyone asked why kids today are fatter, when previ ous generations of youngsters consumed cake, Twinkies, candy and fully sugared soft drinks that could have provided enough energy to light every house in Southeastern Massachusetts for a month?

One reason is that kids in the past used to burn off all those calories by engaging in some thing called `` play.''

Even at school, they would run around during something called `` gym'' or `` recess.''

Both of which, of course, have fallen by the wayside due to bud get cuts and the schools' real mission, getting kids ready for standardized tests. These moves have been encouraged by parents who want their schools to get `` back to basics,'' an educational term meaning: `` I want my kids to be as miserable in school as I was.'' Now if we could just ban birthday parties for adults.

TOM REILLY is a Sun Chronicle news editor who is birthday-intolerant. He can be reached at 508-236-0332 or at treilly(at)(at)thesunchronicle.com