A breast appeared, all hell broke loose.

That's because, Charlie Brown, a baby was attached.

A parenting magazine cover recently dared to bare and the prompt response was hysterical, in every sense of the word.

Some men leered: One breast was not enough.

Some women sneered: One was one too many. Who knew?

We've been through the breast wars ad nauseam. Who wants to go there again?

Nope, neither do I.

But there's another issue lurking behind what didn't show on that cover.

It's competition, a wearisome variety that seems to be afflicting some young parents.

Marketers, like Hummer, have sniffed it out. In a new TV ad, one mother, dis'ed in the playground by another, fights for equilibrium of self-esteem by tearing out to buy guess what. Take that, you harridan.

If you're parenting now, you may already have discovered that the activity, in some circles, is blood sport. Used to be that moms just sipped coffee, ate pastry and gossiped about their husbands while the babies napped. The idea was this: You were supposed to gang up on your family members, not your friends.

Now young moms are armed adversaries, so it seems, from the buzz around the Internet and on TV. Armed with way too much information and attitude.

Who's right? Who's wrong?

Who's a, pssst, failure? Bottle versus breast?

Back in shape or still pregnant pudgy?

Gifted child or, well, just normal?

Designer shoes or Keds?

Television yes -- or no?

Working or stay-at-home?

Public school or charter?

These are no longer simple talking points. They're duels, red-hot litmus tests of our relative superiority.

What, an epidural? Shame on you!

Hey, regroup. Don't you young gals have to stick together? Who else knows the heartbreak of a chipped manicure or Victoria Secret panties lost to a laundry basket full of stained bibs?

There's been lots of dialogue about rushed kids penciled into voluminous appointment books. This phenomenon is the subject, for instance, of the book The Over-Scheduled Child. It may actually be a symptom of that bristling competition among parents who already imagine a Harvard scholarship swimming with the spermatozoa.

Back to public breast feeding.

Of course there are valid opinions on both sides of this matter simply because it is, well, public -- with the rest of us as audience.

But that's quite different from the lightly-veiled competition that seems to underpin child-bearing and rearing choices that are nobody's business but our own, unless they impinge on someone else's freedom.

We need our friends far more than we need to make a pointless point about who's right (always us) and who's wrong (always someone else) -- especially when there's pastry available.

BETSY SHEA-TAYLOR is associate Opinion Page editor. She can be reached at 508-236-0439 or at btaylor@thesunchronicle.com.