Do you sometimes read things in the newspaper that confuse you? Do items on TV sometimes leave you puzzled?

You are not alone. I get to read most of the stuff in the paper before you do, before it actually gets into the paper, and I sometimes find myself in a quandary, which is not, the Associated Press stylebook informs me, a small Korean car.

My conclusion is that, in spite of war, terrorism and the threat of yet another Adam Sandler movie, Americans do not have enough to worry about.

For example, let's take the subject of natural disasters (I always try to start my columns on a cheery note.)

In many parts of the world, a natural disaster is just that, a disaster. People's homes are destroyed, their crops are wiped out, and they are visited by Madonna. This, however, is not true in America. For example, last week in a story out of Fresno, Calif., the impact of unseasonably cold weather in the San Fernando Valley, where much of this country's citrus and avocado crop is grown, was described by the Associated Press.

Subfreezing temperatures, the story reported, had wiped out much of these crops. (Every winter, orange farmers make dire predictions because we are not supposed to think vitamin C comes cheap). It quoted Joseph Vasques, 32, a teacher from Pasadena, saying: "Avocados are expensive enough as it is. We may have to do without guacamole for a while. And we may be drinking our Coronas without limes."

The horror, the horror.

Which brings us to another alarming item that appeared in a recent letter to the editor. Here our correspondent warned of the continuing high-level conspiracy to compromise the sovereignty of the United States through the means of a union with Canada and Mexico.

As usual, the mainstream media has ignored this threat, but the implications to our national security are obvious.

For example, with trade barriers down, the United States would be flooded with cheap exports - not only Corona, but Dos Equis, and flowing downhill from the north, torrents of Labatt's Bleu and Molson.

OK, I'm not really seeing a downside here.

Finally, on television, the major story of the past week on our local news stations has been that it has been cold. In New England. In January. You have to understand the frustration of the TV newspersons, however. Their News Storm Watch Emergency Weather Centers have been primed for a good blizzard since about November and have had precious little to do. It's been a year since they've been able to scare the pants off residents with a good dose of weather porn. The only thing keeping most of them going is the possibility of a good hurricane season next fall. Keep your fingers crossed guys.

In conclusion, Americans should realize that, in spite of the challenges that confront us, most of us live safe and secure lives. It could be much worse. Madonna could be coming for a visit.

TOM REILLY is a Sun Chronicle news editor. He can be reached at 508-236-0332 or at treilly@thesunchronicle.com when he's not cowering under his desk.