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Living single
![]() A couple, who did not wish to give their names, slow dances at one of disc jockey Cal Rayes singles dance, held at the Ramada Inn in Seekonk every week. (Staff photo by MARK STOCKWELL)
Top Headlines When a young woman's boyfriend started talking months ago about looking for a place together, her reaction was not what most of her friends expected. The woman said she'd rather live with her girlfriends, than her boyfriend. "I think it would be perfect to get a place with one of your girlfriends, and live that way your whole lives," said the 27-year-old Attleboro area professional, who asked not to be identified. "I really do." Unprepared to move in with a significant other, much less get married, the young woman thought she was in the minority: Most women she knew were happily buying wedding dresses and signing marriage certificates. Guess what? She was wrong. More Massachusetts women are opting to live the single life than to become one-half of a married couple. According to the 2005 American Community Survey, part of the U.S. Census Bureau, 51.4 percent of Bay State women ages 15 and older are not married, not counting those are legally separated from their spouse. In Massachusetts, most women ages 20 to 34 years, 57.3 percent, have never married. Nationwide, a majority of family households, 50.3 percent, are headed by non-married couples, an indicator more people are living without a spouse than ever before. Among them is Cal Raye of the locally famous Cal Raye's singles dances. At age 63, he's in the minority of Americans, 28.1 percent, who have never married. "I was career-minded," Raye said. "I've been a traveler, and I've lived everywhere. I never made it to where it was a perfect match at the right time." National figures still lean slightly more toward married life. According to the same survey, the majority of Americans ages 15 and older, 53.4 percent, are married. Fifty-one percent of women, nationally, are now married. The New York Times reported a story last month that said "51 percent of women are living without a spouse," but that number included women whose husbands were not living at home for various reasons other than legal separation. The report, and its numbers discrepancy, spurred a series of articles in other national newspapers, some of which alleged that the Times wanted readers to believe that marriage was outdated. Newspapers and newscasts headlines included, "Not into marriage," "Single and Lovin' It," and "Women see less need for ol' ball and chain." The article also inspired a column in the Chicago Tribune that provided labor statistics showcasing the necessity of men within the family household, and a column in The New York Times in which writer David Brooks made his case for why "down the social ladder, marriage matters." With all the uproar, it might have been hard to remember that even though more people are "living single," it doesn't mean they aren't married or that they want it that way. Among those who are not now married, are included people who are divorced and widowed. Also, family households include co-habitating non-married couples and same-sex couples. Raye, who holds his singles dances weekly on Friday nights, said he'd be happy to get married if he found someone special. Like many "unmarrieds," he's had several long-term girlfriends, and has lived with some of them. "I'm used to my life, to the way it's become," he said. "But I have a wish that I will meet someone and make it right for the remaining years of my life." Plenty of others are looking. Raye's dances average 145 singles in attendance per week. Most are between 35 and 70. "Most have been married," Raye said. Attendance has dropped off in part, he believes, to the boom of online dating. EHarmony, one of the more popular dating Web sites among those 30 and over, boasts more than 12 million registered users. The Singles Executive Club, which also hosts area singles dances, says its attendance has increased over the past year. Dennis Serpon, the group's marketing director, believes that's due to their other events, among them an annual cruise, weekend trips and dinners out. "We provide a lot of good methods for people to meet," Serpon said. "It's more the interaction we provide." REBECCA KEISTER can be reached at 508-236-0336 or at rkeister@thesunchronicle.com.
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