Attorney Michelle Raymond of North Attleboro tells of two cases she's dealt with in the past year in which older, long-married women were in divorce proceedings after their husbands left them for warmer climes and wealthy women.

"The women each said they were 'snowbirds' going to Florida where their husbands had learned they had a lot of appeal to other women," said Raymond, who is also a divorce mediator.

More recently, there was the case of an older woman whose expectations for her future differed from those of her long-time husband. Her wish, upon her divorce, was the opportunity to travel and walk the streets of Paris by herself, in celebration of her new-found freedom. She was brimming upon her return of her dream realized, Raymond said.

Whatever the reasons, there is no denying that America is seeing more divorces among long-married couples. In fact, the phenomenon has come to be known as "gray divorce," and it's the subject of a new, much-discussed book, "Calling It Quits: Late-Life Divorce and Starting Over," by Deirdre Bair.

Bair, a biographer of Samuel Beckett among others, whose own marriage of 43 years ended in divorce, interviewed 184 men, 126 women and 84 adult children who had been affected by late-life divorce. She decided on the venture after reading the results of an AARP Magazine study that expanded on research findings in the 1980s that while the divorce rate among people married less than 30 years had held steady, divorces in marriages of more than 30 years increased by 16 percent.

The AARP survey also unveiled a newer wrinkle in that trend: 66 percent of women claimed to have initiated the split from their spouses, and men were more likely to be caught off-guard. In fact, 26 percent of men said they "never saw it coming," compared to only 14 percent of women.

The top reasons for divorce cited by women in the survey were physical or emotional abuse, infidelity and drug or alcohol abuse. For men, it was falling out of love or having different values or lifestyles.

Bair, in a recent interview on the CBS "Early Show," attributed the trends of late-life divorces and higher percentage of women initiating divorces to women living longer, having more disposable income and wanting to be happy for their remaining years.

"It's as if after many years, this is a eureka moment," she said.

Raymond said she has seen the same trends in this area.

"Years ago, it was thought that once a couple passed the 10- or 15-year mark, that the marriage would last forever," she said. "I don't think that's the situation anymore."

James McKenna, a lawyer in North Attleboro who handles divorces among other litigation, said he too has seen an increase in late-life divorces come through his office and, in recent years, more women initiating the proceedings.

"I've seen more older women than in the past. They seem not to be so discouraged from getting a divorce like years ago," he said. "They are more independent and there's more opportunity for independence now."

And with no-fault divorce in Massachusetts, McKenna said, spouses don't have to claim the other is "bad." They can just say that they've grown apart. Based on what some of his women clients have told him, there's a feeling of "I don't have to live in discomfort for the rest of my life," he said.

"The longer you're in a relationship, the more opportunity there is to grow apart," he said.

In a dual-income relationship, there can just be different views that widen and cause division. In other cases, the woman could have been a stay-at-home mother, but then wanted more. McKenna said other women tell him, "I don't know why I've been married so long."

He said religious beliefs that in previous years might have made divorce taboo "isn't the moral compass it was. It's not what it used to be."

McKenna added, however, that divorce is still an emotionally wrenching experience, particularly for women.

Dottie Levesque, who leads a support group for separated and divorced individuals at the LaSalette retreat house in Attleboro, said she has seen a gradual rise in the number of late-life divorces since 1979 when she began working for the Archdiocese in Providence, leading support groups for individuals who were experiencing loss due to death or divorce.

She said that within the microcosm of her small group now, it's largely men who have initiated the divorce and about half of the women who come to the support group meetings are over age 50 and recently divorced. She said health, physical or verbal abuse, and the departure of children from the home exacerbating problems that were already present, are among the reasons that have led to divorces.

Levesque said some people are confronted, after children leave the home, with the reality of now being alone with someone they feel they no longer know. "They look at the face across a table and wonder 'Who the heck is that? That's not the person I married 30 years ago.'"

Whereas women were once primarily homemakers and responsible for raising the children, more women are now working and gaining some financial independence. That, Levesque said, is a key factor when older women are considering leaving a failed marriage.

"They're tired of being dumped on and want to be friends and not just a caretaker or maid," Levesque said.

Declining health and one spouse's wishes conflicting with the other's over care is another issue precipitating late-life divorces, Raymond said.

In other cases, couples divorce later in life "for a lot of the reasons younger couples do, money or situations within the household."

But Raymond stressed that there are complications associated with late-life divorce: Dividing assets accumulated over many years, retirement funds and pensions, and the house, if there is one. And the emotional toll is also daunting, severing a relationship that has lasted several decades and then facing life without a partner.

Still, Raymond has definitely seen a trend of older women ready to strike out on their own.

"There's some trend in women in their 50s who are very successful and their husbands are in retirement mode or working part-time. The women, they're still in the working world, the kids are out of the house and they want to commit to a career," she said, adding that there is a sense among women that "it's my turn."

Their goals are no longer connected and that can be a big stress on the marriage, especially if there were already problems.

"I can see that especially in my mediation sessions," Raymond said.

Sometimes couples have grown so far apart, she added, "you look at them and wonder why they ever got married."

SUSAN LaHOUD can be reached at 508-236-0398 or at slahoud@thesunchronicle.com.