Tonight, the Discovery Channel will air James My-ego-is-actually-bigger-than-the-Titanic Cameron's documentary "The Lost Tomb of Jesus," about the purported "discovery" of a 2,000-year-old tomb in a Jerusalem suburb (actually discovered in 1980) holding two limestone boxes which may actually have contained the bones of Jesus.

This "recent event" is leading to shocking speculation that:

A) He was historically, physically, forensically real

B) But wasn't God

C) May have married and was buried with follower Mary Magdelene D) May have sired a son with her

E) Didn't really physically resurrect, dashing the beliefs of 1 billion Christians worldwide who use their faith as a constant comfort, most notably to overcome the fear of death.

Happy Easter.

Much more certain than the spurious, if spectacular, assertions exposed and enflamed by "I'm King of the Jews!...whoops, World!" Cameron is this:

A) He clearly owns the rights to all "DaVinci Code" sequels

B) He said he wouldn't do a movie after "Titanic" because he could never top it; Hmmmm...

C) We haven't missed him at all

D) He can't really be thought of as a God unless he ruins the possibility and credibility of all of the top Gods who have come before him....

E) Christians around the world are hoping in a few years to go to the tomb of the actual Titanic and find the bones of James Cameron.

And the world wonders why Christ hasn't returned yet. Surely, as a planet, we can't get much more messed up than we are now - although that's what they said during World War I, or worse, during the massacres of millions under Hitler and Stalin and World War II, the Cold War or 1,000 years of fighting in the Middle East - more insane killing in the name of religion, but godless climates all.

No.

Christ doesn't return, I'm certain, because of our endless obsession with ourselves, not with one another (see: oh, I don't know, James Cameron or Anna Nicole Smith); our brainless fascination with celebrity over substance, of hubris over humanity and humility.

I mean, He'd have to do the talk show circuit just to get some cred and pub, right? Just to be believed again? He'd have to hire a Manhattan PR firm and do The View, Oprah, 60 Minutes, Dateline, 20/20, Crossfire, Hardball, Meet the Press and that Barbara Walters Special, right?

BARBARA: So, Jesus, you look fabulous for being 2,033. Is it all that dry desert heat? C'mon, you can tell me, have you had anything done? Lifted?

JESUS: Just me, Barbara, a long time ago. But ye of little faith dispute that now, it seems.

BARBARA: Who are you wearing?

JESUS: I'm sorry, what?

BARBARA: Gavinchi? Boss? Hilfinger?

JESUS: I'm wearing everyone. The souls of everyone. I carried them unto me. That's why I...

BARBARA: Was your mother really a virgin? I mean, c'mon.....nobody's a virgin anymore. And your dad actually bought that?

JESUS: My Father created me, my mother, all of us. He....

BARBARA: Were you and MMag an item? Were there others? Why did you never marry? Why did you hang around all those young guys?

Truly godless climates, ours; one that needs a Jesus more than ever. But the question remains, would Jesus find us worth it now?

For the Camerons of the world, who use the flawed, human tools of archaeology, language interpreters, statisticians and other "experts" to possibly, maybe, probably, fudge a documentary and wrap it in a bow; putting a scientific stamp on this "discovery," they miss the point.

Resurrection cannot be proven by science. It is an absolute question of faith - the most important question of faith ever raised, figuratively and literally. Whether you believe or not, this fact cannot be disputed.

To paraphrase the synthesis of science vs. faith: For those who don't believe, no explanation is possible; for those who do believe, no explanation is necessary.

Or welcome. Except by Christ Himself.

But certainly not from an egoistical Hollywood maven out to make a buck and an even bigger name than this self-proclaimed King of the World.

JAMES A. MEROLLA can be reached at 508-236-0431 or at jmerolla@thesunchronicle.com.