Somewhere this Father's Day, a man is awaiting the arrival of his first child or is missing his children who are playing today in the backyard.

This man is hard at work, so hard at work he will miss the birth he'd hope to witness or miss being bombarded by hugs and kisses.

Still, his thoughts are consumed by the children in his life or the fetus that has re-shaped the mother's form over all these months and has re-shaped this father's heart into something soft and malleable.

Will the baby look like him, he wonders?

This is something the man considers when he's not consumed by work. Will the baby inherit the family cowlick that's been the bane of every child for four generations?

That's OK if it's a boy. But what will they do about a daughter? Clip on a pink barrette to keep that wild tangle in check?

Today, you may get to actually hug your father. Consider yourself lucky.

Soldiers in Iraq must settle for the sonogram of a tiny swimmer with spindly limbs and indistinct features who will make an appearance long before dad is furloughed, or e-mails and one-dimensional photographs of children just exiting another year at school for a summer of freedom.

AT&T Inc. is offering 50,000 prepaid phone cards for military personnel who are stationed overseas to help salve the missing.

That's a help, but nothing can replace the immediacy of ushering in one's child, of physically counting the fingers and toes, or bracing for a running leap into one's arms by a 5-year-old.

In a disheartening poll last week, the American people said they were not only disillusioned by the ongoing administration but by the Democrats who had vowed change before they were actually faced with the awesome responsibility to act.

Topping national dismay is the war and the uncertainties of what lies ahead.

Again, and it can't be said often enough, it's easy to be an armchair warrior. But the people doing the real work are the troops, who simply have no choice.

Today, Father's Day, is yet another reminder of what war does, which is tear apart families. You may back the war, you may oppose it. No matter what your position, we all must recognize this: Today, Father's Day, many men serving in harm's way are doing so even as new life is preparing to debut back here at home, even as sleepy-eyed young sons and daughters are plunging spoons into Cheerios.

That stinks.

BETSY SHEA-TAYLOR, a former editor and writer for The sun Chronicle, is a freelance writer. She can be reached at prosewing@aol.com.