Last modified: Sunday, October 28, 2007 1:45 AM EDT BROWN: Prayer stops a panic When I was a young girl, I'd ask God every night to watch over my family. I dutifully prayed for each member by name, fearful that something terrible would happen if I forgot, because when you're a child, the world and all that goes on in it revolves around you and your actions. I also prayed for world peace and an end to hunger and suffering - things haven't much changed in 35 (or so) years - and I truly believed my little prayers could save the world and all who were in it. While I grew distant from religion during my self-absorbed 20s, I sought a church in my child-rearing 30s. Thank goodness I had my faith to help me through my cancer crisis in my 40s! Besides the benefits received while physically at worship services on Sundays, I needed daily assurances. Indeed, my disease brought my relationship with God to a whole new level. I haven't talked much about my faith previously, but I would be remiss not to devote a column to it because spiritual healing was as important as any doctor visit. After my diagnosis, I once again became diligent about my daily conversations with God. There was no bartering, no "If you make me well, I'll be a good person for the rest of my life." There was no bitterness, no "How could you do this to me and my family, Lord?" There was no disillusion, no "Since this has happened, I no longer believe." On the contrary. There was simply, "Dear God, please help me get through this." The panic attacks started soon after I found the lump. Now if you are only acquainted with the post-cancer Lori, you may find it hard to believe that the pre-cancer me was very high-strung. When faced with conflict, real or perceived, I'd rant and rave and become a physical and emotional wreck - just ask my husband or kids to elaborate; they do a pretty good imitation since I occasionally regress. However, the panic attacks were different, an internal turmoil more intense than anything I'd ever experienced. I'd had scares in my life, but this was full-fledged terror, and the only way to calm myself was by reciting The Lord's Prayer. There is something to be said for knowing a prayer by rote. Mindlessly, yet intently, I recited it over and over in my head, gradually calming down. Some may fault me for using The Lord's Prayer as a pacifier, but I know in my heart that God does not. Far from constant, the panic attacks did occur every now and then. Stressful incidents, such as my allergic reaction to the chemo, could bring one on. Then there were the times of fear in the dark of sleepless nights, when I couldn't help but be preoccupied with thoughts of suffering through an awful cancer death. Sometimes I'd be stricken in the middle of the day, seemingly for no reason at all. I even recall an episode in church when, triggered by sitting upright for an extended period of time, my body over-reacted to the illness I felt from my treatments. Usually I was alone, but even around other people, no one would know I was having an attack because it was all hidden inside. No matter when, where, why or how, I'd recite my prayer and squash the terror. I am not writing this to preach, so if you are not a spiritual person - and are still reading - I can offer some non-religious thoughts. I imagine, if not a prayer, a favorite song or poem could suffice. It's the focus on soothing words, a meditation by repetition, which may enable you to overcome stress. Last year, I attended a church-sponsored seminar on chanting, which mirrored the same technique. I strongly recommend trying it if you suffer from anxiety. In my case, the process was definitely spiritual. Even though I recited my prayer by terror-induced rote, it was answered! I could feel God's presence like never before and unlike ever since. I remember thinking as those times of panic lessened that no matter what happened, I would be okay. I was enveloped in God's love. Having successfully completed chemo, and living a full life despite the cloud of recurring disease, I no longer experience those intense panic attacks. While I start every morning with prayers of thanks and forgiveness, asking God to watch over my family and heal the sick, I then pray that I may remain well myself, ending always with a panic-less recitation of The Lord's Prayer. I hope my prayers continue likewise for more years to come. Amen. Lori Brown is chronicling her life after a breast cancer diagnosis. She lives in North Attleboro. E-mail her at brown11861@yahoo.com.