It was the most difficult and heartbreaking decision that I have ever had to make.

For 12 years, he was my best friend, devoted companion, and what kept me centered when my life was spinning out of control. Nearly every day for 12 years, he shared in all aspects of my daily life as a member of my family. He accompanied me to work, was my co-pilot while running errands, and patiently waited for me in the car while I attended college classes. For 12 years, he licked my emotional bruises and soaked up the tears of my human heartache. He spun in circles of delight when I was happy, and his wagging tail was his way of laughing right along with me in our moments of joy.

When I found out that my best friend was suffering from kidney failure, my heart sank. Munch was ill. He was gravely ill and his medical options were very limited.

When his vet told me the bad news, my mind flashed to the beginning of our 12 years together. I remembered being the midwife during his birth; I opened his sac and watched him take his first breath. I remembered how he almost died from a virus in his first week of life, and how my mother stayed up all night feeding him electrolytes with an eye-dropper to help pull him through. I remembered making the happy decision to keep him as my pet, and how that came with the unspoken promise to be responsible for his safety and well being throughout all of his days.

The moment I knew what a painful ending that my beloved Munch was facing, it was time for me to reciprocate for the 12 wonderful years that he had given me. The decision to euthanize him was the most distressing, yet altruistic, decision I have ever made as a dog guardian. I couldn't bear the thought of my pet being in pain or suffering even a little bit. I also knew that I wanted to be right beside him in his final moments. I owed him the same security that he gave me as I watched the events of 9/11, and he deserved comfort like that which he gave me the first night I was alone when my husband left for Iraq.

I would never forgive myself if he spent his last moments being frightened as he crossed over the rainbow bridge. With his vet's help, my beloved gently passed while I cradled him close and whispered reassurance through a flood of bittersweet tears.

I know how blessed I was to have had such a wonderful friend for 12 years. I am certain that my decision was humane and selfless even though Munch's passing still weighs heavily upon me. I expect to see him everywhere I look. I swear I still hear his feet on the kitchen floor, and I have caught myself calling his name on more than one occasion. I realize that it has only been one week since he left an empty space in my life, and I am sure that my grief will ease a little as each day passes. Still, this past week has reminded me about how the experience of losing loved ones is undoubtedly the most painful aspect of being human.

Wags, Tracie

TRACIE LALIBERTE-BAILEY of Attleboro is a professional lecturer, educator and published writer on the subject of dogs. She is pursuing a doctoral degree on the human-canine bond. You can contact her with any dog-related questions at tracie@dogpawse.com.