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SEEKONK -- Now that he's retired, one of ways Ray Medeiros engages himself during the evenings is to go down to the basement, crank up the stereo and play along.

"I can do that for hours," Medeiros said.

Fellow retiree Steve Pennoyer offered an alternative explanation for Medeiros's solo act: "He's alone because nobody likes to hear him play." His quip elicited laughter from Medeiros and the other men, largely from Seekonk, gathered for the monthly meeting of the group informally known as "the men's club."

Making the transition to retirement and how to fill time to prevent being lonely and slipping into depression, as well as appreciating solitude, were among the topics of this particular morning's breakfast meeting held at the Ramada Inn in Seekonk where the guest speaker was Bonnie Ryvicker with the Community VNA of Attleboro.

And while the topic was treated as a serious one, there was an atmosphere of conviviality amongst the roughly 20 men in attendance who chimed in with their thoughts and suggestions, as well as good-natured ribbing and jokes. The club, started about five or six years ago through Seekonk Human Services, often has featured guests speaking on health-related issues, said Herb Cushing, the unofficial organizer of the group which he explained has no designated officers.

The group itself was offered up by one of the men, responding to a question by Ryvicker, as a way to prevent loneliness. This was the largest turnout in about a year, Cushing said.

The group's gatherings provide older men a chance to catch up with friends and meet new faces, as well as information about particular health issues they may be facing as they live out their lives.

Loneliness can be experienced at various stages of life; whether it's a teenager who believes he or she is without friends, a young person heading off to college where they don't know anyone, after a divorce, or adults who, especially when they get older, may become more isolated after retirement, after the death of a spouse or because they have less mobility.

"It's a passive state. It's not acting on anything," Ryvicker said. "It's not making plans, not making phone calls to make plans, not reaching out to others."

"That passivity is the problem."

Like any problem, the first step is admitting you have one, she said. Ryvicker said groups like the men's club, provide a network. Men, she noted, typically have more difficulty reaching out and joining groups than women.

"It's the sharing of experiences, whether through travel, discussion groups, or even a poker game" that fends off loneliness and helps people to live better lives, she said.

A couple of the men expanded on the point, one talking about being in Florida where there are acquaintances in numbers, but no close friends to share experiences.

Ryvicker used traveling with a group as an example, asking the men how many times they had ventured into something like that where the initial reaction was "Ooh, what did we do? What were we thinking?" but that by the end of the trip had developed friendships. Pennoyer, noting his penchant for talk, said he had had similar experiences. "Actually, when people get to know him they want to say good bye," one of the other men joked.

The transition from being a part of the workforce for years to life in retirement can bring on different kinds of stresses and losses that could lead to loneliness Ryvicker said. Even if a person did not have close friends at work, it's the social aspect and routine that is suddenly gone and that might leave a person feeling lost.

"Most of us, when we think of retirement, we think do we have enough money to retire," she said. "But we don't think of the consequences like how will I fill my day at home with my wife, or if there is no wife, how am I going to spend all day by myself?"

Also missing, said one of the men, is that sense of accomplishment or praise for a job well done.

Frank Burke of Seekonk, noting he is 76-years-old, said "I would still be working if they didn't send me home." He said that his wife had recently died, his son and a friend were dead, but he believes in making each day the best he can. He can keep busy during the day, "the worst is the night."

There's only so much television you can watch, another man agreed.

Ryvicker and some of the other men suggested puzzles, crossword puzzles and online games.

"You really have to have something before retirement," Lloyd Moniz of East Providence offered. He said some older people may try new things, but then give up on it after awhile.

Ryvicker said part of the trick is finding out what it is that will interest you. "Maybe it's finding some group that meets in the evening."

She said a sense of fulfillment and purpose can also be achieved through volunteering. People who are retired and able can offer a lot to their communities, including visits to nursing homes, or helping out at local schools or soup kitchens, among other places.

"If you do it at least once a week, then the rest of the evenings will not be so lonely," Ryvicker suggested.

Keeping a positive frame of mind also helps, she said.

Go for a walk and observe a sunset. Keep a daily journal, noting the good things that happen, "because you always remember the bad things. It may not be a Wow! thing, but it could be a nice thing," Ryvicker said. "We go through our lives without realizing how fortunate we are."

Medeiros said that he and his wife set aside an hour every day to talk to each other and about what is going on in their lives and how they can do things better. "We've gotten to know each other better," he added.

Burke, whose wife recently died, said he takes each day as it comes and has started visiting some older adults who are sometimes unable to get out.

Ryvicker said the men could help themselves by also helping others doing something they already do. For the next gathering of the men's club, she said, "include one or two others."

For more S7informationS7 and scheduled events for the men’s club, call Seekonk Human Services at 508-336-8772.

SUSAN LaHOUD can be reached at 508-236-0398 or at slahoud@thesunchronicle.com.