Well, it's April 15 and those of you who have been paying attention know what that date means to all Americans.

Yes, it's the day in 1955, years before the invention of cholesterol as we know it, that Ray Kroc acquired McDonald's and opened his first restaurant in Des Plaines, Ill., today the official McDonald's Corporate Museum.

Less importantly to our national life, it's also the day your income taxes are due. This will come as a surprise to those many Americans who have not been watching TV, reading a newspaper or listening to the radio for the past few weeks and have managed to avoid advertising from tax preparation services, which have been counting down the hours to filing deadline the way the Pentagon does in a disaster movie, just before the asteroid strikes.

If you have not filed your taxes yet, don't be concerned. Many Americans are just like you and are, even now, in the process of going through their records, checking available resources and researching on the Internet the names of those countries with which the United States does not have an extradition treaty.

This, frankly, is the wrong attitude to take. Your government does not want you to be unnerved by paying your taxes. That's what an audit is for. In fact, the government has gone out of its way to make the annual chore no more complicated or stressful than dismantling a hair-trigger nuclear device or putting together a piece of furniture from IKEA. Just follow these simple steps, as recommended by the IRS.

First, gather together all the required forms and schedules provided by your state and federal governments - some of which, due to national security concerns, are now classified as top secret and will not be provided to anyone with your FBI profile.

Second, assemble your personal financial records, including but not limited to, your W-2 form, your 1099, your Form 1116 Foreign Tax Credit form, your schedule 1189/z/US as authorized by the Tax Stratification Act of 1936 as amended by the Income Levelization Act of 1957 (US Code 1196/d, subsection c(xiii)). (Yes, I made that last part up. Oh, come on. Like the IRS doesn't do the very same thing.)

Third, place them all in a brown manila envelope and send to the IRS with a note from your personal physician, alternative health care provider and/or life coach explaining that this is about the best you can do and include a signed blank check.

Because your government has big plans for your money. They can't bail out failing brokerage houses just on credit, you know. Those people want hard, cold cash.

As for any refund or rebate, your government expects you to do right thing and use it to stimulate the economy. You might even be able to afford a trip to your local McDonald's.

TOM REILLY is a Sun Chronicle news editor who wants to point out that this column is meant purely for entertainment purposes, relying on the playful sense of humor for which the Internal Revenue Service is so well known. He can be reached at 508-236-0332 or treilly@thesunchronicle.com, at least prior to sentencing.