Last modified: Tuesday, October 7, 2008 2:51 AM EDT A parent can help complete ties that bind their children to other friends and family. (MCT ILLUSTRATION) Social success BY SUSAN LaHOUD SUN CHRONICLE STAFF How do you ease your 7-year-old son's transition to a new home and new school in a different state midway through the academic year? What can you do to help your 5-year-old daughter cling to you less and more quickly join activities at a friend's birthday party? How do you balance the relationship of two young sisters where one's passiveness feeds the other's aggressive tendencies toward her? These questions are part of the overall challenge parents face trying to help their children succeed socially. And, according to family therapist Natasha Edelhaus, the first step is taking stock of your and your child's social nature. "Identify your own childhood social inhibitions so you can empathize with your child," Edelhaus told a gathering of moms during a recent workshop at The Children's Museum in Easton. Sometimes, Edelhaus said, parents are very social and "they struggle with a child who is not. It could just be their temperament." "One of the most effective ways as a parent to help your children is acting as a coach, setting realistic goals, meeting the child where they're at and determining their individual needs," she said. While it's how our brains work that controls how we regulate ourselves, "there is a window of time to teach (children) to develop skills," Edelhaus said. "The brain is very malleable up until adulthood. "The goal is to get them to be independent." Parents can stock a "tool box" to help children deal with certain social situations they may be anxious about. The box can contain anything from physical outlets to relaxation techniques. It could include role-playing or even a script for a child who, for example, struggles mixing in with larger groups. Edelhaus said "some children are very concrete. You have to tell them exactly what to say at a birthday party." In the case of the child entering a new environment, Edelhaus and some mothers in the workshop suggested getting the class list and e-mailing some of the parents to arrange a small social gathering before the child goes to school. That way, the child won't be going in cold. Parents can also talk to the child's new teacher to see if he can be placed with "a buddy," - a child to help show him around and introduce him to other students. Edelhaus also suggested that his mother talk to him about what to expect on the day they move to the new home and perhaps keep a journal that includes his current friends and contact information to keep in touch. As for the aforementioned passive vs. aggressive sisters, parents might try providing an incentive, such as a family night out, to combat teasing and tormenting. As for the young girl who clings to her mother, leading her to get involved in activities and then backing away, was one approach suggested. "So often, parents don't know that they need to prompt their kids," one of the mothers in attendance said. "They let them fend for themselves." Parents also need to be a model for their children when it comes to social interaction, Edelhaus said. And teaching non-verbal communication and how to read others by tone of voice, rate of speech, facial expressions, a sense of personal space and touch, is just as important as teaching appropriate ways to voice one's needs, wants and desires, she said. Edelhaus noted that only 7 percent of communication is actually transmitted by words.