With the presidential debates coming up, we thought it would be a good idea to go over some of the issues that the candidates will be questioned on.

We'll be using the multiple choice format since it's not only easier on the candidates (who have been unanimous in their opposition to essay questions) but also more palatable to the voters, who are used to the format from standardized tests and quizzes in popular women's magazines. ("Is Your Guy a Jerk? How Much of One? Seriously, How Much of An Idiot Is He? And What's the Deal With Him Watching Football All Day Sunday? I Mean, We Could Be Talking About Our Relationship or Something Important, Right?")

And, of course, since the ugly incident in the Gerald Ford debate in 1976, there are no math questions.

A) I will create an incredibly expensive government program that will burden us and our children and our children's children.

B) I will fire the chairman of the SEC, the secretary of the Treasury and the guy who cleans up the restroom at the Stock Exchange. And then I'll create and incredibly expensive government program. C) The market forces should be allowed to work out the problem, because all my money is in Krugerands and is in a mason jar buried in my mother's backyard.

A) We will engage all nations in a meaningful, thoughtful dialogue that will emphasize those things which unite us, rather than divide us. I'm thinking an Oprah special.

B) Why talk to foreigners anyway? They think they're so smart because they know other languages. Why can't they speak English like the rest of us?

C) What part of "nuclear first strike" do you not understand?

A) At the first indication of a hurricane, earthquake or another season of "American Idol," I would form a federal task force to study the issue fully and produce a scathing report on government failures BEFORE the disaster strikes, thus saving taxpayers a lot of needless worrying.

B) I think that would be the ideal time for my first "working vacation" to study serious international problems in Tahiti, Rio or possibly Vegas.

C) Three words: "Build on stilts."

Bonus vice-presidential candidate question:

A) Vast executive experience.

B) Extensive foreign policy expertise. C) Hair plugs.

D) Designer eyeglass frames.

E) Both C and D.

TOM REILLY is a Sun Chronicle news editor who is rooting for whoever gives the shortest answers. He can be reached at 508-236-0332 or at treilly@thesunchronicle.com. Read his blog at thesunchronicle.com.