We all know the economy is in big trouble right now. Large companies are announcing layoffs. Small companies are going out of business. Consumer confidence is down. Unemployment claims are up. Consumer spending is down. Retailers are looking ahead to what may be a dismal holiday shopping season.

Foreclosures are on the rise. The credit market is still anemic. Piggy banks across the nation are trembling with fear that their owners may soon be desperate enough to grab a hammer and smash them open. With such a complicated financial mess, it's no surprise that our lawmakers can't quite agree on what to do about it all.

It's clear this economic crisis is serious, and that it's not over. We can probably agree that there is a long road ahead of us. What remains to be seen is exactly how far-reaching, drawn-out and disastrous the crisis may be.

The failure of a business or industry doesn't happen in a vacuum; there's a ripple effect that touches other businesses and industries. The Big Three automakers, for example, are struggling so much that they have been looking to the government for assistance. Should the auto industry fail, millions might lose their jobs. Millions more in related industries - parts suppliers, car dealerships, the folks who make those tree-shaped air fresheners that hang from so many rearview mirrors from Maine to California would be affected.

Watch out, because the effects of this economic crisis may be sneaking up on you, too - and in ways you won't expect. There's been lots of talk about buying up these so-called "toxic securities" that have been making banks' balance sheets look so terrible. I don't know whether or not that's a good way to save the American economy - but I do know that these toxic securities can be troublesome little buggers, and I'd like to see them disappear. I never knew how pervasive they were until I spotted one the other night. It had knocked over my garbage can outside and was rifling through last week's leftovers. It took me a baseball bat, a bucket of water, and lots of cursing to make it go away.

In recent weeks, toxic securities have been seen clogging up toilets, knocking the fine china off of kitchen shelves, stealing an extra cookie out of the jar, and hanging from the gutter over the garage. They wreak havoc on our everyday financial lives by going 50 in the fast lane, taking 11 items through the 10-items-or-less checkout, and always taking a penny without ever leaving one.

If you are ever alone when you encounter a toxic security, Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson recommends proceeding cautiously. Don't make any sudden moves, don't let it know you're afraid, and never, ever, ever buy it for more than a few pennies on the dollar. They seem to respond best to loud verbal commands and are suckers for Tootsie Rolls.

To prevent an infestation, be sure to shore up your entryways, bolster your windows, and breathe new life into your plumbing system - that should get everything working beautifully. But if all that doesn't work, then go ask your neighbor for a bailout.

BILL ZUCK is afraid he ate part of a toxic security this morning and he isn't feeling too well. You can reach him at wcz78@yahoo.com.