Time again for Home Owning 101, the column that answers the many questions homeowners have about repair and maintenance, chief among them being, "Is that supposed to smell that way?"

(At this point, in the interest of fairness - and also due to certain court orders - we have to mention that Mr. Reilly is not a licensed plumber, electrician or contractor of any kind. He is simply a homeowner of many years standing who has repaired many household items - often the same one several times in succession. On the same day. No warranty, expressed or implied, exists for any of the following advice. So there.)

Today, we will take up one of the most vexing, yet common issues in home maintenance: Toilet repair.

(Ex-Miami Herald columnist and author Dave Barry has built an entire career, and won a Pulitzer Prize, writing about toilets - low-flow and exploding among them. I will be happy with just an acceptable flush.)

First of all, break a toilet. This is surprisingly easy to do with something that is basically made of stone, and there are several ways to accomplish it. Personally, I recommend having children. Children are to your home what the German Luftwaffe was to London in 1940. They're not powerful enough to flatten the place but they are destructive enough to keep you busy putting out fires - sometimes literal, actual fires -or to at least make you wish you could hide in a subway tunnel.

For something that performs such a basic household function - many times a day - toilets contain a surprising number of small and breakable parts.

The handle and seat are particularly vulnerable to wear and tear and so, of course, are usually made of plastic with the tensile strength of two, or possibly even three, strands of uncooked angel hair pasta.

Fortunately, the American toilet industry (Motto: "We'll give you something to go on.") is up to this challenge, providing a bewildering array of replacement parts. It's almost as though they knew some parts would break under normal use. Amazing.

Home improvement stores carry dozens of styles and colors of toilet handles alone, enough to satisfy nearly any taste in home decor. None of them fit your particular model, of course, because that was installed by a contractor who had the only North American franchise for Albanian-made commodes. But pretty impressive, nevertheless.

So you buy a part labeled "universal fit," which fits just about as well as any item of clothing sold as "one size fits all."

Simply follow the manufacturer's instructions on the package when installing the part and your toilet will be almost as good as new.

And that's very fortunate. Because you need someplace to read this column.

TOM REILLY is a Sun Chronicle news editor. He can be reached at 508-236-0332. If he doesn't answer, he's probably, well, you know. He can also be reached at treilly@the sunchronicle.com. Read his blog at thesunchronicle.com/reilly.