---

Welcome to another installment of "How Robert Kraft Can Save the World (Or At Least Our Little Corner of It)."

You've probably noticed, either on our Web page or in today's print edition, the stories about the anticipated closing of the North Attleboro office of the Registry of Motor Vehicles (and several others across the state) because of what's being called budgetary belt-tightening. Obviously, this is something that will have a profound effect upon those who have relied upon that office's services for four decades or more - as I was reminded Friday when I had to stop in to get the new sticker for my plates for the next two years.

Before I continue, I must admit this will not be a "sports" column in the classic sense. That won't be the first time for this space, and it won't be the last. But when I mentioned in the office on Friday that this issue might provide fodder for a weekend column, I was admonished by another staff writer to "stick to what you know," which I presume he meant to be sports.

Yes, I know sports. Been writing about them for 40 years, you young whippersnappers. But if it is ever determined that the only thing I know after 55 years on this earth is "sports," then on that day I will head to the highest building I can find and cast myself off it, with no regrets.

Besides, in the final accounting, there's a lot about "sports" that would certainly dovetail with the experiences of anyone who's ever visited an office of the Registry of Motor Vehicles. I've gotten good practice for standing in lines at the RMV from standing in lines at ticket counters, or to go to the bathroom at any of the past and present venues in which Boston's professional sports teams play.

Those who've filled out season-ticket applications tell me that it's good preparation for the myriad of forms that need to be submitted when applying for special plates, license renewals, registration transfers or what have you.

The NBA Draft Lottery? We have the Low Number Plate Lottery. There are people in this state who'd get more excited over winning Plate No. 7A in this year's lottery than they were when the Celtics won Banner No. 17.

And the end result of all this wrangling with the Registry is to be able to drive - which, in Massachusetts these days, is a rough approximation of competing in a demolition derby staged at NASCAR speeds.

Given all that, I'm confident that I can not only address the issues that might arise if, as planned, the North Attleboro office of the Registry is shuttered, but also come up with a "sports" alternative.

What might that be? Patriot Place.

I'm an individual who doesn't mind using the RMV's Web site (mass.gov/rmv) for most of the services I need, although in Friday's instance, it was easier to deal with a plate renewal for a leased car in person rather than having the sticker sent to the leasing company first. Not everyone in the commonwealth is computer-literate, however - including my 83-year-old mother, who had to wait more than two hours in North Attleboro a few weeks ago for her license renewal. Those folks still need to visit an office.

And if you look at a map of the existing offices, you'll see that North Attleboro serves a wide swath of southeastern Massachusetts. You can draw a lopsided semicircle from the offices in Worcester, Milford, Framingham (also to be closed), Brockton, Taunton and Fall River and quickly see how convenient the North Attleboro location is for many people.

But things can always be more convenient - and if I'm a certain diminutive fellow who likes to wear $200 Charvet ties, has a cozy relationship with the commonwealth and would like to drum up a little more offseason business for my 50-percent-occupied shopping mall, I might be tempted to seize upon this sudden gap in services by redefining what it means to go to the Registry.

Patriot Place, after all, is supposed to be a "lifestyle and entertainment destination." Going to the Registry is part of the Massachusetts "lifestyle," although I seriously doubt you'll see Gisele Bündchen waiting in line for her new vanity plates any time soon. So, with so many storefronts still unoccupied and Foxboro located right in the middle of an under-served area of the state, why not consolidate a few more RMV offices into one full-service branch at centrally-located Patriot Place? And why stop there? Let's turn that branch into a boutique. Let's redefine what it means to be at the Registry - modern decor, soft music, free premium coffee and scones for those waiting to be served, and special service kiosks for those who want any of the 16 styles of "special" license plates other than the standard "Spirit of America" plate.

Of those 16 alternative styles, six now have sports themes that raise cash for charitable organizations or other causes - mini-Fenway Park, Patriots Charitable Foundation, the Jimmy Fund (Red Sox), youth hockey (Bruins), the Basketball Hall of Fame and the Olympics. Areas in this dazzling Registry Boutique could be set up for the represented teams to do some business, or stage autograph signings, or anything else that might contribute to the revenue stream.

The infrastructure around Gillette Stadium could be used for driving tests - no shortage of challenges there. And for those concerned about accessing the place when there's a game or concert, since when was the Registry open at any time other than "regular business hours?" Conflicts would be at a minimum.

The state might even want to cut a deal with Kraft over rent; after all, Kraft is supposed to be paying back much of that "infrastructure" funding he got from the commonwealth during the construction of Gillette Stadium, so just subtract the rent from the regular bills. In return, Kraft is guaranteed more foot traffic in his mall - especially during the winter months, when all that can be heard in Patriot Place is the chirping of little frozen crickets because no one wants to shop at an outdoor mall in the dead of winter.

It just makes too much sense to ever come to pass. But at least it's an idea, and I'm not sure too many people in state government have had many good ones lately.

By the way, I want make it clear that not every experience I've had at the Registry has been a bad one. Friday in North Attleboro, I was greeted pleasantly and professionally at the service kiosk at the front door, my number was called almost immediately, and I had my new plate sticker in about five minutes from the moment I entered.

Figures, when they finally get it right, someone comes along and says it's time to scrap the whole thing.

Save us, Bob. You have the power, and the empty storefronts, to make it happen.

MARK FARINELLA may be reached at 508-236-0315 or via e-mail at mfarinel@thesunchronicle.com. Read Farinella's blog, "Blogging Fearlessly," at thesunchronicle.com/farinella.