“President Donald Trump has spent about 60 percent of his officially scheduled time over the last three months in unstructured ‘Executive Time.’” — Axios
Well, by golly, if it’s good enough for the leader of the free world….
9 a.m.: Awaken. (Hey, I work nights, OK?) Turn on bedroom TV. Weather Channel says it’s cold outside, it being winter and all. Anchor touts oncoming “Winter Storm Genghis.” (Consider writing note to Weather Channel, telling them to stop doing this. No one uses those names, OK? It’s not a thing. It’s never going to be a thing.)
9:30 a.m.: Amble downstairs. Approach coffeemaker. Short pause while attempting to recall startup process. (Note to self: Coffeemaker should not be more complicated than laptop computer, especially when user is seriously under caffeinated.)
9:35 a.m.: While coffee is brewing, snap on family room TV, flip through cable news channels. MSNBC reporting in apocalyptic tones that administration is in disarray and incompetent and also a clear and present danger to democracy and a threat to freedom around the world. Fox saying essentially the same thing, except is blaming it on Obama. And sometimes Hillary. And her emails. CNN has a news anchor named “Poppy.” Really. NECN reporting from around the region that it is, in fact, cold.
9:45 a.m.: Breakfast. Choice of hot and cold cereals, real or fake eggs, healthful fruit and yogurt. Choose homemade banana muffins. Best of all worlds.
10 a.m.: Fire up laptop to scroll news sites and social media. Open up Twitter for intelligent, provocative, informed discussion of issues of the day. Just kidding. Go straight to the We Rate Dogs site — possibly the only Twitter account that is not designed to destroy your faith in humanity or deaden your soul. (Note: They are all very good dogs.)
10:30 a.m.: Speaking of which, dog is angling to be walked. Shower and shave (me, not dog) and suit up (me and dog) to head out.
11 a.m.: Return home after dog has her own, um, executive time at several locations around neighborhood.
11:15 a.m.: Consider which of several household chores to tackle. (Light fixture for bedroom closet, leaky kitchen faucet, cleaning basement work space.) Turn on TV to catch up on shows in interest of keeping up with popular culture. Tuns out “NCIS” still has senior citizens solving serious crimes.
11:18 a.m.: Pause to check on “The 700 Club” and see how televangelist Pat Robertson is doing.
11:18:05 a.m.: Oh. My. GOD!
11:30 a.m.: Thanks to on-demand video, learn that Steven, Jimmy, Seth and Trevor open their shows with jokes. Sometimes the same jokes.
11:35 a.m.: Note that “executive time” is nearly expired. Realize with alarm that need to write this week’s column.